You know what shifts momentum? Pocket Aces

Alright, here we go, second running diary of the 2007 playoffs. I have a 6 pack of Bud heavies by my side and the Red Sox at Indians Game 5 pre-game is about to get under way.

There could be a few USF at RU interjections from time to time.

Speaking of which: Rutgers entered their "running" (black) QB and ran a designed sneak from the shotgun on 3rd and goal from the 2. He lost 5 yards. WE ARE??? R.U.!! FG is good 3-0 Rutgers.

Joe Girardi is dodging Yanks questions by the millisecond during the pre-game. Hes got some ugly fucking teeth, good Christ. Id just like to reiterate how great of a job the Yankees front office is doing.

I dont know what to call that on Eric Karros' head, but I sure havent seen anything like that grow from the scalp of a human being before.

Matt Holliday spot right now. His head is a perfect isosceles triangle. FYI, I just changed from a long sleeved tee to a more lightweight, under armour type material guy bc I was sweating. The perspiration is stemming from either the heat of the laptop or my overall physique. Im going with the former.

Nice stop on 3rd and 2 by Rutgers, USF ties it at 3.

In between Yanks managerial inquiries Girardi, whose suit is sponsored by the Lehigh Mountain Hawks, tells us that only Bob Gibson has a higher strike out percentage than Josh Beckette in the post-season. Thats pretty good company.

2 outta 3 go pick Injuns which serves as a lead-in to a Kevin Millar spot trying to Cowboy Up Red Sox Nation. Boy, he sure seems glad to be an Oriole.

Quick Rutgers update: Mike Teel sucks dick. Back to you Joe and Tim.

McCarver makes a valiant effort at snapping his fingers, but fails miserably. He just sucks at all aspects of life since his playing career commenced. TBS needs to throw a lucrative contract offer his way, stat.

Bobby Kielty very anti-climatically, and gingerly (literally), introduces the lineup. Nice selection guys.

Number One subplot of Game 5: The Indians bringing in Beckett's ex girlfriend to sing the national anthem and God Bless America. Saavy move, unless Beckett scammed a midday BJ or something.

Cleveland crowd is absolutely bellowing. Chanting CC! CC! on the second pitch of the ballgame.

YOUK! One out dingGER. Looked like a carbon copy of the jack he hit in Game 4. Thatll silence a crowd. Good lord that was a missile. Joe Buck comes outta left center with a good stat: last 9 runs scored by the Sox in this series is via the homerun. I didnt know the Phillies were in the ALCS.

CC just shit on Papi and Manny is greeted with a shower of boos and Manny sucks chants. I thought the whole world loved Manny? Im sure hes really affected by it. Steps in at a career .609 clip against CC. So, he struggles. Lofton, who forgot his map of Da Jake at home, plays a single into a double.

Lowell sprayed one to right and Manny gets gunned down by about 48 feet on a good throw by Gutierrez. Best part being ManRam flipping his helmet off like a 9 year old coming around 3rd thinking its making him faster. One run on three hits, CC seems to be in post-season form tonight.

Oh my God I just threw up. Flipped back to the Rutgers game only to see Strahan and D-Wright standing next to each other on the sideline. I wonder why David Wright is there? Hmmm Erin Andrews is working the game, fucking dick head. Fuck you Kool. Revelle immediately texts me: David Wright looked like a cancer patient standing next to Strahan on the sideline. Please tell me you caught that. I caught it Matt, and I must agree.

Casey Blake felt it was necessary to give everyone's nicknames during intros. That was fun. "G-Size" promptly bloops a two strike double into no-mans-land down the left field line a.ka. every left fielder not named Manny Ramirez or Pat Burrell prolly catches it. Not the type of shit you want to see occuring in the 1st inning if youre a Sox fan.

I love Eric Wedge's gray beard hes growing. Its fucking awesome.

Beckett gets Hafner to role into a 6-3 dp after a Cabrera knock. tied at 1. McCarver was convinced it was a splitter when in fact it was a blatant two seam fastball. He fixed himself on the 4th replay. Good job Tim, you can have a treat now.

Victor Martinez is an absolute beast, and ropes one to left. I dont think Ive seen him not the ball hard ever.

Now seems like a good time to announce that I dont think I could hit Beckett's curveball if he told me it was coming. Apparently neither can Ryan Garko. Inning over.

Clicked to the RU game, heard Strahan being interviewed, then heard his lisp, then shit myself, then changed the channel. Odd sequence of events. Nonetheless, I fought through it.

CC hides the ball very well. I bet he could drink a whole case of OE too. I also think he got his glove at Dick's. Phelan prolly sold it to him over Winter Break '04.

Varitek just got smoked by a 96 MPH heater on the forearm and reacted as if Thunder Dan Olivi hit him with a raisin. I personally would have went into convulsions.

Im 100% convinced that I could give more productive ABs than CoCo Crisp and Jorge Julio, its painful to watch. CC rolled thru the 2nd.

Dane Cook is more adament than ever that there's only one October. I was unsure, thanks tho.

Trivia Question: Who was the winning pitcher in the 1997 ALCS clincher for the Injuns? My guess: Bartolo Colon.

Beckett just threw one 95 at Gutierrez's head, and I saw shit come out the bottom of his pantalones. Followed that up with back to back doytches. Im thinking that was a good old fashioned purpose pitch. Beckett finishes off the inning with a K to Blake. Both guys rebounded well in the 2nd.

1st mention of Joe Torre by Joe Buck: 9:14PM

Pedroia battles through a great at bat and gets a lead off knock.

9:17 the Torre talk finally comes to an end. Ken Rosenthal even trew his two sense in there. Thanks guys, there is a decisive Game 5 taking place. I almost miss Tony Gwynn's breasts. Almost.

Youk rolls into a 1-6-3 DP. CC is working down in the zone well and absolutely pounding the inside corner with heat to righties.

Trivia answer: Brian Anderson. Neat.

Ortiz inconceivably draws a walk after looking foolish for the 2nd straight AB. CC's last two pitches to him: Fastball 99, fastball 98. You can do it put your ass into it!

McCarver just called Manny's homers "walk-out" homeruns, as in he walks out of the box. Real clever Tim. Manny promptly hits a ball that looks like a fly ball of the bat, then keeps carrying and looks like a dinger, now theyre calling it a double. Well, I thought it was a double, but ManRam is still on first. McCarver is going awol about him not getting to 2nd base. I think its a dinger. They say it didnt leave the park. McCarver just keeps saying "ridiculous" over and over. Similar to the Reverend's reference to Norm MacDonald in Dirty Work. Either way, Ortiz scored and its 2-1. I still think it went over the fence. McCarver isnt gonna be able to fall asleep tonight over this single rather than double dilemma. I mean, he clearly shouldve been on 2nd, but good Christ how is anyone surprised. Manny being Manny bay bay!

Lowell K's. Dont cry over spilled milk Timmy. No harm no foul. CC escapes.

FUCK FUCK FUCK!!! SEXUAL TENSION! SEXUAL TENSION!!! Erin Andrews is interviewing Prince Wright during the RU game. God she is hot as balls and Id do anything to marry her. And, yes, you could cut that tension with a Farinon butter knife!! Oh that was rich.

Manny's hat looks awful on his head. Just thought everyone should be aware of that.

McCarver just contradicted himself for the 4th time tonight when analyzing a sick play by Pedroia, which was sandwiched between two Ks. Thats 5 for Beckett through 3 innings. Has thrown exactly 1 fastball under 95 MPH thus far. Guess his back isn't toight.

Kielty has more hits now in 4 ABs vs CC than JD Drew has in the whole series combined I think.

Joe Buck is milking the TITS outta this interview with Injuns pitching coach Carl Willis. I think he just asked him whats on the menu for the post-game spread. GET BACK TO THE GAME!

Back-to-back knocks sets the table for a sac by CoCo. If they dont bunt, I dont know what to tell ya. Hahahaha. Shocker, doesnt get it down. Two feeble and attempts then waves at strike three. God he blows. Lugo up, another monster threat. 6 to 4 to 3. CC gets out of another jam. Gotta love back to back enigmas in a lineup.

Beckett just hit 98 on a throw to first base. Hes all fired up. 3 up 3 down. Josh is in cruise control.

The Comebacks will be on DVD by Christmas.

Two outs, three pitches, and Ortiz hits an 18 hopper through the left side a la any hit Ted Kramer got in his college career. All 4 of them. Bringing up arguably the best right handed hitter we've seen in our lifetime. Fouled one back that he shouldve raped and chastised himself in Dominican. Wild pitch fills up the count. This will result in some sort of RBI or a walk. If they pitch to him theyre nuts. Either going change away or fastball up and out. Carl Willis comes out to relay the message in ebonics to CC that he better not approach the zone with this pitch. Effective mound visit, walk.

CC hits Lowell on a 1-2 fastball, the third consecutive time he went in there. Bobby "The CC Slayer" Kielty steps up. Flies out on the pay off pitch. CC pitches his way out of trouble yet again. Starting to fall off though and drag his arm behind. Leaving a lot of stuff up and away late in that inning. First sign of trouble Id have to say the pen is gonna get a call.

Rich man's Otis Nixon leads off with a lazy fly to left. HOLY SHIT! Lofton and Beckett start jawing at each other and both benches clear. Someone just tell Eric Hinske to lay somebody out bc God knows hes not getting in. Prolly about Lofton dropping the bat on the 3-0 dick shot he took that he thought was a ball. Situation was quickly deescalated. Yep, Beckett screamed at him. Gotta love it.

After a Gutierrez K, McCarver unleashes this neat exchange with himself: Thats 6 straight retired. No 10 straight, Im sorry. 3rd time's a charm: 9 straight retired by Beckett. DOTW potential after this performance, and really every time hes near a microphone. Blake ends the streak with a knock.

Homosexual bleeder by G-Size makes it 1st and 3rd for Cabrera. Good morning, good afternoon, goodnight on 3 sick pitches. Finds his way out of a little bit of a jam. 7 Ks through 5, still one fastball under 95.

Strong 6th by CC. Although it was Varitek, CoCo, and Lugo so you gotta take that with a grain of salt.

Rutgers just converted a fake field goal to make it 27-17. They already completed a fake punt earlier as well. Tricky bastards.

Big inning for Beckett ahead: 3-4-5 set to stand in.

Hey Fox: Id love to know a pitch count on either one of these guys. Is that possible???

Hafner Ks for the 6th time in his last like 9 ABs.

Ask and you shall receive: Beckett is at 72 and CC is at 106.

Groundout and another K (#9) and Beckett mows through the 6th. Vintage Beckett: let up a run in the first, get pissed and just slam the fucking door after that.

I cant imagine this not being CC's last inning.

Pedroia leads off with a scud double to right center. Get on that horn Carl.

Youk hits an RBI triple to right center. 3-1 Socks. G-Size looked weird, it seemed like he slowed up and thought Gutierrez was right next to him and then had to dive at the last second and couldnt get it. Thats gotta be it for CC. And it is, gutsy effort, escaped some jams but still had some command issues and let up a lot of hits.

This could prove to be a monstrous inning. Big three coming up, guy on 3rd, cero outs.

Betancourt in. Joe Buck gives another great stat: Papi is a career .442 hitter in his post-season career with RISP. WOW. Lofton makes a Willie Mays Hayes basket catch at the track for a sac fly. 4-1

Just caught a glimpse of Pedroia's bald spot in the dugout. Ryan Roberts esque. Hes like 24 isnt he?

Right after Fox shows a stat of Manny being 4-7 with 5 walks after falling to an 0-2 count this postseason he Ks looking. Cant win em all. Lowell flies out to end it.

Beckett is 80 pitches deep entering the 7th, which is starting at 11 PM, far past my bedtime.

Just got a shot of Danielle Peck, Beckett's ex girl, she is hot as balls. Id love to screw her.

Great job by Peralta, right after going down by 3 runs he swings at the first pitch and grounds feebly to 3rd. Well done. Professional at bat right there. Donkey.

Wealthy man's Otis Nixon hits one back to Beckett who whiffed terribly troo da wickeds. Looked like Don Smith on PFPs.

Gutierrez pop up and still no one up with Blake up and G-Size (tying run) on deck. Blake Ks looking for number 10 on the evening. Be interesting to see if Okajima goes out there with two lefties and two switch hitters in line to hit. Beckett still looks great though. Still only 3 fastballs under 95 through 7 with pinpoint control and movement.

30-27 Rutgers with 9 to play. No clue how all that scoring happened, sorry.

They just showed John Adams, old fuck that bangs the drum in the crowd, who undoubtedly just smoked his 42nd Marlboro Red of the night.

Perez in. Drew walk and CoCo reaches on an error by Perez. Two sure outs in the post-season given free passes. Bringing up Lugo, who drops down a perfect drag bunt which loads the sacks and incidentally ends Perez's evening. Good outing. Sox gotta put it away here.

Mastny comes in to face the top with one out. Doing his best Dave Drechsel imitation; passed ball by Vic on a borderline strike. CONCENTRATE SON!!! 5-1. Reloads the sacks with another walk. This could get ugly. 4 straight balls to Youk. 6-1. Wedge looks perturbed. No one up in Sox pen and Beckett has been sitting around forever.

Another sac fly by Papi. Uneventful 7th run. I hope Manny hits one 86 miles. I also hope they dont hit him bc that will just prolong me getting into my bed due to the inevitable brawl that will ensue.

Manny Ks looking again, crowd goes wild, not realizing theyre down 6. Moral victories are more important than the game in Cleveland I guess.

Rutgers just sealed the 30-27 victory, thats a one unit win for Da Govna in Banter Sports. FUCKYAW!

Pop up and K #11 on a 96 MPH two seamer gets the 8th underway. Ive been trying to figure out all night how to explain Josh Beckett's facial hair and I still have nothing. Harmless ground out to short will most likely end that outstanding performance. Im guessing Paps comes in since he hasnt pitched since Saturdee. Final line: 8 IP, 1 ER(1st inning), 11 K, 1 BB. 2007 Post-season line: 3-0, 23 IP, 3 ER, 26 K, 1 BB. Holy smokes that's a fucking ace right there. Beckett's final number of fastballs under 95 MPHs: 6.

6 up 6 in down in the 9th lets go, Im tired as teets.

With one out JD Drew gets his meaningless double, chanks pal. Real tough holding 6 in the 9th dickehad. Mastny has some yella ass teeth. Crest my man, it works wonders. Two groundouts end the top half. 3 outs from heading back to Beantown.

3rd Torre aside by Joe Fuck. Snuck another one in there before the 54th out of the game.

After Paps Ks Vic Martinez they showed a clip of him doing the Irish Jig at Fenway on the infield after they clinched the division, wearing sliding shorts. Oh man that was priceless. Baseball players are such scumbags, I love it.

Paps struggling to get ahead, lets up a double by Garko. Peralta grounds out and Pap walks Otis Nixon. At least put one in his ear for jawing at Beckett if youre gonna do that, make a statement.

Gutierrez flies out to end it.

Thats a momentum changing victory right there. Particularly when you have arguably the best post-season pitcher ever waiting in the wings to go Game 6. Another ace in the hole? Maybe. If he gives a vintage Schilling performance in a big game 6 ( a la '04) and they win, I cant see them losing Game 7 at home. Dice K or not, I just dont see it happening.

Player of the Game: Josh Beckett, who definitely nabbed a nooner from his babe ex-girl.

I got a date with my pillows.

Peace.

Da Govna